There are many abusive relationships, and the only question to ask is: why?
The main answer is ‘control’.
The controlling characteristic that males attribute to their masculinity is the cause to these abusive relationships. When males don’t have control they feel their masculinity is threatened and they need to do something about it.
Here are some of the causes that can lead to domestic violence and abusive relationship.
1. Disagreement between a married couple.
The husband might be too controlling and might be making decisions of the family that only suit himself. Financial problems are the main causes of disagreements between a married couple.
2. Jealousy.
Some men are very jealous and envious that they end up making up suspicions and wrongly accusing their wives for infidelity. They probably do not want to see them talking to any man, even a family member except them.
3. Some men have grown up witnessing Domestic Violence between their parents.
This can affect them in two ways. Either psychologically resulting in a mental disorder and anger issues or they start to think it’s the only way they can solve their problems.
4. Alcohol and Drug abuse.
The influence of alcohol can enable violence because there will be no control of what you are doing and your behaviour changes. 61% of domestics violence has alcohol involved. Some men use alcohol as an excuse for abusing their wives.
5. Some societies do not have strong laws to support women against abuse.
The issue is often tolerated and seen as a normal thing and is justified. Low level of education contributes also as beating wives is still seen as a way of having control over your family. Which is wrong.
Domestic Violence should never be justified or excused.
So below are some key steps you can follow:
1. Be alert and take note of his behaviour changes.
Signs that show your partner can resort to Domestic Violence. These include mood swings that are unpredictable, Jealousy as mentioned earlier on, a controlling behaviour or explosive behaviour and lastly when he is making threats such as, I will kill you or beat you up. You can pick up these signs even before marriage. I have seen it even amongst teenage relationships. They are often short tempered, lack of respect and even alcohol abuse. You should not feel like you need to stay in a abusive relationship. You need to cut ties as soon as possible.
2. Try to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.
If you have any concerns or problems, you need to help yourselves through counselling or to ask help from friends or family members. Not dealing with these issues will only make it difficult down the road. You need to be able to address your issues together and in a civilized manner. But this is only when there is a disagreement not after he has abused you.
3. You need to be aware of Association that are specifically for women in your community.
Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) opened Malaysia’s first refuge to abused women in 1982. They provide shelter, counseling and social work for victims of Domestic Violence. Most of these Organizations educate both women and young girls on abuse, its impacts and how to be safe.
Training for volunteers // image via WAO Official Website
WOMEN’S AID ORGANISATION (WAO) HELPLINE
WAO Hotline: 03 7956 3488
WhatsApp/SMS TINA: 018 988 8058
WAO Hotline: 03 7956 3488
WhatsApp/SMS TINA: 018 988 8058
1 in 4 women experience Domestic Violence during her lifetime and more than half of these women have children that watch them helplessly as they are abused.